Baby K Maternity

Baby K Maternity

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Marathon way of Life

Tim and Grandma Glenda have been preparing and training for the Disney Food and Wine half marathon for the last 7 months. Running has consumed Tim, and has become a part of our life here at home. Three and sometimes four mornings every week Tim would break out the jogging stroller and head out on predetermined courses all over the Hollywood Hills. He loves how he feels and it's something we've all been proud of him for, including Grandpa Gary.

The race was the evening before the Memorial Service, in Orlando.

We went back and forth many times as to what we should do. After much thought, prayer, contemplation, and discussion, we decided to go through with it. We had been shut in for so long, and it was the perfect way to get our minds off of what was going to happen the next day. The feelings I went through while we were there were so varied, there was a mixture of laughter and tears, but I know it was something that Grandpa Gary would have wanted us to do. Connor mastered a new word, "ball", and is now blowing kisses as well. Life is moving forward.
We got about 4 hours of sleep and collected ourselves to make the trip home. I don't think I wanted to face it. I didn't want it to happen. I felt like if it didn't take place then the accident didn't take place. The Memorial Service was very touching, and the turnout was more than I could have hoped for. Many people came to remember daddy. Connor was such a good boy, and it was so special to have the entire Guise family together. There is no way to prepare yourself for such a service. I'm still drained from it. My emotions are exhausted, my body is tired, my brain is unfocused. The show of love and support was overwhelming, and the result was memorable. I still can't believe he is gone. I can't believe this has happened. It's hard to get back to "normal", it's hard to move forward. I think about it all the time.

I feel like I'm running a marathon and my legs are about to give out. I see the finish line but somehow it keeps moving farther away. I want things to slow down, stop, and reverse. I want to go back to three weeks ago where the only thing I was focused on was Connor's first birthday. The room is still ready for dad's visit.

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